|
If I had a dollar for every time I have heard women
say those words about their past birth experiences, I'd be rich. But no amount of money can remove the sadness
in my heart for these women and their lost births. Every time I hear that a friend or family member is pregnant,
I hope and pray that they will enter into the most important time of their lives with the knowledge and support
that they need to make sure they never say, "If I only knew."
I have put together this list of advice and inspiration to help anyone avoid looking back on the birth of a child
and regretting any part of the experience. This is what I would say, if I had the guts, to all my friends, family
members, and even total strangers, who are about to have a child:
1. READ, READ, READ anything and everything you can get your hands on about pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding.
Don't just stop with one book, especially the ubiquitous "What to Expect When you are Expecting". There
is a wealth of good
books out there and you need to read
as many as you can. The library is a good place to start if you don't want to spend the money on more than a few
books. The internet
is a wonderful resource for stuff you
might not find in a book, like personal birth stories of thousands of women who have been there, done that, and
made all the mistakes you want to avoid. They say there is nothing like experience for learning the best way, but
who wants to put the health of their baby at risk while they are chalking one up to experience!? And don't think
I am being cavalier with my statements about the health of your baby, because that is what is at stake here. So
much of what goes wrong with birth today can be avoided with a little knowledge.
2. FIRE your OB and/or MIDWIFE and look within for the only expert on your birth that matters !! There are two
ways to access information about your body during pregnancy and birth. One way is to go to someone "medical"
or "trained" and rely on them and the methods they use to make judgements about what is going on inside
your body. The problem with this is that the methods they have - doppler fetoscopes/ultrasound, urine test strips,
weight scales, blood tests, EFM - are all inefficient and often inaccurate ways to assess a pregnancy and labor.
One has only to look at how many babies are forced to be born prematurely because the ultrasound said "baby
is getting too big, time to come out". Or to how many AFP tests are false positive, leading to undue worry
and ever more interventive tests, only to find out your baby is fine. The other way is to take very good care of
yourself (eating optimally, resting sufficiently, etc.) and let your instincts and the baby tell you how things
are going. This is not just some "new age" hocus pocus, this is the way you are designed to function.
Anything you could possibly need to know, you have access to...inside. Some women
might do this during meditation, some find answers through prayer, some write in a journal and the answer "just
comes to them" as they write. Answers to concerns as mundane as whether you are getting enough protein, to
ones as significant as how long is too long to be "overdue" are all at your fingertips, so to speak.
3. Seriously consider UNASSISTED BIRTH. Even if you think you "couldn't do that", look into it. You owe
it to yourself and your baby to learn about unassisted birth and what it involves. If after reading the studies
about the safety of homebirth, some unassisted birth stories (especially in comparison to hospital birth stories),
and all the things that can go wrong in the hospital, you still can't do it, at least you are better informed on
how to get the best birth possible in a hospital. There is a small chance that your baby will be born before you
get to the hospital, so learn about how to have your baby by yourself, so that you can turn a potentially traumatic
experience into a beautiful one.
4. Turn a deaf ear to HORROR STORIES. Seek out and cultivate the kind of company and support that will allow you
to develop a deep faith in your body and its' innate ability to bring forth life. I firmly believe in a mind/body
connection and that your thoughts create your reality. Horror stories only lead to doubts and fear and these feelings
can interfere with the natural process of labor. Fear puts your system into a flight or fight response and this
hinders the release of oxytocin that fuels your labor, causes blood to be directed away from your uterus, and stimulates
the contraction of muscle fibers in your uterus responsible for closeing down the cervix. As you can imagine, all
this slows down your labor, deprives the baby of needed oxygen and causes unecessary pain. You must be able to
face labor without fear and be sure the right kind of support is present to help you in times of doubt.
5. Write a BIRTH PLAN. The act of putting down on paper your wishes for your baby's birth, helps you have the birth
you want in several ways. First, it allows you to really think about what is important to you about the birth of
your baby, and about what you want to happen or NOT happen to you or the baby. Second, it forces you to get informed
about your options when it comes to routine hospital interventions, pain reducing techniques, and procedures done
to the baby after birth. And last, it creates a way to discuss your wishes for the birth with your care providers.
You should write this plan early, not at the end like is usually recommended, because the process of writing it
may bring to light issues with your care provider that you are not able to agree on and you want to have plenty
of time to switch providers, if necessary. Keep in mind that in the event of an emergency, the plan may get thrown
out in the interest of you and the baby's health. But writing a plan will allow you to know your options, even
during emergencies, and be better able to make decisions and feel in control when things don't go as hoped. Feeling
in control even when things go wrong has been shown to lead to more satisfaction about the birth and a reduction
in postpartum depression.
6. Take a CHILDBIRTH CLASS. Not just the one offered by the hospital either! Most of the time these are classes
in how to be a good patient and how to know when to ask for the epidural. They do not give you any real techniques
for reducing or coping with pain and they do not fully inform you about your options and rights in the hospital.
Independent childbirth educators, like for the Bradley Method, do not have any obligation to the hospital to not
create 'trouble makers', so they will tell you like it is! Classes are also a good way to meet other couples that
are on the same journey to parenthood as you are. Playgroups are sometimes formed by the women in a class, after
the babies are born, and this kind of support in new motherhood is invaluable. Don't stop with the information
you recieve in class, instead, use it as a starting point for further research. There is always more to learn,
and the more you know the less likely you are to say, "If I only knew."
|
