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EMMA'S BIRTH
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They say that every birth is different. I guess I had to experience it to believe it. Nothing about Emma has been
predictable, from day one, conception unplanned, to day 283, when she decided to make her arrival. With Alex, my
first, I just knew when she would be born. The day she arrived was the day of the full moon, five months exactly
from the first kick, and the day her Daddy dreamed she would be born. There was no guessing there. Not so with
Emma. I have no idea when the first kick came because Emma decided the only time she was going to move was when
I was nursing her big sister and I could not tell for sure if it was the baby or not. The full moon came and went
a week before her birth and Daddy had no dreams to speak of. This second child would teach me a lesson in patience,
faith and trust.
I tried to negotiate this pregnancy the same way I did with Alex, with one major difference, to little or no avail.
With Alex everything went "by the book" and each time I anticipated something based on the average, it
would come to pass. Even my labor was a primipara textbook 12 hours long. But for this pregnancy, things were different.
I made a guess when the baby would be born, had a "feel" for the sex (without having an ultrasound),
and anticipated a fast and furious labor with the midwife barely making it to our home in time for the birth. Nothing
turned out the way I planned.
The main difference this time around was the very low intervention approach to pregnancy, labor and birth that
I wanted to follow. Although I had very little in the way of interventions with Alex, I wanted to go totally "hands
off" for this baby. Hence the midwife attended home water birth, no prenatal testing (except a Group B strep
culture), no ultrasound, minimal use of the Doppler fetoscope, no internal exams, and a hope to catch the baby
myself. I tried to have complete faith, and faith alone, in my ability to grow and birth this baby, no matter how
much it went against my analytical mind to go without benchmarks or other measures of progress. I would be a pure
birthing goddess who serenely carries her baby within and ecstatically births her baby into the world. Yeah, right.
So, this baby boy that I was sure I was going to birth on the 10th of October in a very fast labor, came out a
girl on the 19th and it took 19 hours (and a week of prodromal contractions). The only thing significant about
the 10th was the fact that the baby dropped way down into my pelvis and that evening I had a run of consistent
7-10 minute apart contractions. They only lasted until I went to bed, hoping to be woken later in real labor. I
would wake up pregnant, still, the next morning. The morning of the 11th I am woken up by my brother telling me
his wife is in labor with their first child. I had thought I would have my baby before she went into labor. Their
baby is born four hours later and I try hard not to leave the hospital after visiting them depressed that I don't
have my newborn baby to hold, too. The full moon on the 13th comes and I am still having contractions every evening,
still waking up pregnant the next morning and this day is no different. My actual due date of the 16th comes and
goes. My in-laws arrive, having planned to come on the 17th because I assured them the baby would be born by then,
hoping now to catch the birth before they have to leave on the 21st. I am starting to think this baby is trying
to make me look like a fool.
My family and my husbands' family go out to dinner on the 18th figuring we better fit it in before the baby decides
to come. After dinner we take Alex swimming in my in-laws' hotel pool and I enjoy the weightlessness of the water
after so many months of heavy belly. We go home and I send out some emails to friends who asked if there was any
baby news yet. I have resigned myself to the fact that this baby is in charge and will come when he/she is ready.
I go to bed around 11pm and fully expect to wake up in the morning pregnant, as there was no contraction action
that evening.
A contraction and a small gush of fluid wake me at 3 am. I am fully awake in the moment it takes me to realize
that that might have been my waters breaking. The contraction was not very strong, but since I did not have pain
with my first, I do not judge them by level of pain. I get up to go to the bathroom to check things out. There
is a tinge of pink to the tissue when I wipe and my heart starts racing, this could be it! I realize another contraction
is happening as I look at the clock on the way back to bed. Only three minutes have passed! I lay back down to
wait for the next one. Three minutes pass and another contraction. I decide to wait it out a bit before waking
up my husband as they do not seem really strong and I am not having any other signs that this is going to be a
fast labor other than the interval of the contractions. So, the contractions continue to come every three minutes,
lasting a minute, and by 3:45 I wake up Cary. We talk about what to do and decide that we should get up and set
things up, just in case. If nothing happens, at least the pool will be set up and we can go back to bed.
As we work, the contractions stay regular and at 4:20 I decide to call my midwife, Linda, to let her know what
is going on and see what she thinks. She says she is coming now, probably because she has the whole fast labor
idea in her head, too. This of course reinforces my thoughts along these lines and gets me anticipating the signs
of transition. I call my best friend who was going to try to come for the labor and be my photographer. She says
she does not think today is going to work out as she took yesterday off from work to have a root canal done and
probably can't get today off too. We talk about her coming in the evening if I have not had the baby by then, or
tomorrow to see the baby if the birth happens earlier today. I hang up disappointed, sure that this baby will come
sometime this morning and she will miss the birth. Cary calls his parents to have them bring his sister over, as
she was staying with them that night. She had been staying with us since the beginning of the month to help out
before, during and after the birth. Luckily things were not going so fast she was going to miss the birth on the
one night she wasn't sleeping in our home!
At 5 am our midwifes' assistant, Jamie, arrives before she does. He is a family practioner who is trying to get
experience with home birth, so he can offer it to his patients. Apparently Linda had called him and told him to
hurry over (he lives right down the street from us) since she thought things were going fast! He did a quick check
of my vitals and the baby's position and since all was well and NOT going too fast, I said I was taking a shower.
After I got out of the shower, I sat in the living room on the birth ball and chatted with the "team",
eating some yogurt. I wanted to have energy if this labor was going to last, but I did not want to eat anything
that would be unpleasant to throw up if transition was right around the corner. I continued to have contractions
at a good interval but they did not seem to be getting stronger and I started to wonder if I had jumped the gun
here. I did not want any internal exams so I had no idea if my cervix was opening at all. As I said before, there
was no pain to the contractions, and even though I did not expect there to be, it would have been a sign that this
was really active labor and not just the prodromal stuff I had been having all week. The big difference was the
timing, both the close interval and the fact that it was morning and not evening like the prodromal contractions.
The more I thought about it, the more it seemed to slow things down. I sort of felt like a watched pot, with everyone
having nothing to do but wait for me to have the baby. I knew this was not a good scene to labor in, so I told
Cary that we should go for a walk to get things moving. We headed out at around 8:15, after sending Alex out to
breakfast with her grandparents and the doctor home to shower and see his oldest off to preschool.
The funniest thing happened while we were out walking. We live in an apartment and were walking on the path that
winds throughout the complex. As we were walking along, two cats came out of nowhere and started following us.
They stayed on our tail for practically the whole walk, much to my amusement as I had read about what good midwives
cats could be. The cats and the fact that the contractions seemed to intensify made me feel better about whether
this was really labor. But as soon as we got back inside I felt watched and pressured again and I noticed a slowing
down of the contractions. So out we went again to walk. This helped keep the contractions close and strong, but
you can only walk so much!! We went back inside and I wanted to try out the tub, thinking it might let me relax
my mind enough to let my body get this labor in high gear. The water was nice, but it made the sensation of my
contractions almost disappear so I did not know if labor was slowing or if it was just the water.
Two things happened while I was in the water. First, my mother called to say that she was done with her chemotherapy
and that they would be waiting at my brothers' house for the call to come over when I started pushing. When I had
called her earlier, she told me her schedule and I was worried she would not make it for the birth since she would
be unreachable during her treatment. So now she was free and waiting on me. The other thing that happened was my
best friend called to say that she was coming after all and would be there in about 2 hours. This was at around
11:30. I was relieved that these two stresses for me were now removed. I decided to get out of the water and go
walking again. While I had been in the tub, Cary had his parents come back to get Alex and take her away since
she was getting bored and restless in the house and was having a hard time not being allowed in the water with
me. They took the pager so we could call them back when things got close to the birth. I really did not want her
to miss it, but I also did not want her to have bad memories of the day because of boredom.
While out walking, Cary and I had a long talk about how I was feeling and I had a good cry. I released some of
my fears and he assured me of his wanting to meet this baby. I had felt like he was uninvolved in this pregnancy,
but he felt like it was after the birth that his main role began as father to this child. We talked over the fact
that I did not want to have internal exams, relying on faith alone. We came to the conclusion that this went completely
against who I am and decided to head back inside to see where I was dilated to. I felt that if I could just know
where I was, I would then know what the challenge ahead would be. Linda checked me and found me to be 5cm and mostly
effaced, with the baby at 0 station. I was relieved to know that and was not disappointed with my progress; in
fact that is where I had hoped she would find me.
Soon after, my friend Cecile arrived and Cary went to take a nap. Jamie was asleep in Alex's room and Linda wanted
to go out to do some errands. I felt like a new woman. The pressure was off, my best friend was there, and a birthday
cake needed to be baked. So, Keely, Cecile, and I baked the cake and sat around chatting. I decided to ignore my
contractions until they wanted more attention. The change in atmosphere was exactly what I needed. A few hours
later, around 4:00, Linda had returned and I asked to be checked again. I had felt like the contractions were still
doing something and wanted to see exactly what that was. Well, she said I was still 5cm but had thinned out some
more and she could stretch me to a 7 very easily. She did a little stretching at my bequest since I felt at this
point a little help wouldn't hurt. My labor was obviously not going to go into high gear and I did not want to
be up all night waiting for my gentle, easy-does-it contractions to do their job!
I decided to go back out for another walk and this time Cecile came with me. It was so nice to have a woman to
talk to and as we walked, we talked about her labors, Alex's labor and how this one was going. She could understand
so much better the things I was feeling, not that Cary didn't try, he just does not have a uterus! As we walked,
my contractions seemed to come right on top of each other, with no break in between. They were still painless,
but I felt like things were moving along. We saw one of my neighbors who expressed amazement that I was in labor,
7 cm no less!! At one point, the thought that one solid contraction might not be so good for the baby hit me and
we headed inside to have Linda check the heartbeat. All was good so out we went again. When we got back in, Keely
had made a pot of soup for dinner and everyone was eating. I just had a bite of Cecile's as I was feeling a bit
nauseous and the thought of throwing up taco soup did not appeal to me.
While inside, the contractions slowed down again, so I suggested one more walk before it got dark. This time Cary
and Jamie came along. The contractions were now asking me to stop walking during them, so I obliged and Cary rubbed
my back. If I didn't they got pretty uncomfortable. I don't remember what the men talked about since I was focusing
inside on my labor. The sun was setting and we headed back in. I wanted to get the tub ready and the cameras set
up. I got in the tub a little after 7:00 and soon after Linda checked me again. I was a good 9cm with a bit of
a lip on the right. In the water I could barely feel the contractions. I really noticed the difference when I got
up to go to the bathroom. I could feel the cervix moving in just the place that Linda said the lip was located.
I was just hanging out waiting for some sign that it was time to push.
A little after 8:00, I went to the bathroom and had a BM, which made me feel a lot better about pushing since I
did not want to poop in the water! When I got back in the water I asked Cary to call everyone and get them here
because I felt like I could not let the birth happen if the people who I wanted to see it were not there. Alex,
my mom and my mother in law arrived just as I was trying tiny little pushes to see if they would stimulate an urge
to push. About 9:00 I started pushing in earnest, with a not overwhelming urge to do so. I was sitting in the tub
and would lean back with my hands supporting me, like a crab. Linda was concerned that I would not be able to catch
the baby myself if I was in that position with the head out. I did not want to move at that point, but a while
later Cary suggested moving to my knees to get gravity to help and I reluctantly agreed. This was right before
10:00 and I was feeling nothing was happening. The baby had been moving down, but not as fast as I thought it should,
for a second baby.
Well, no sooner did I get up on my knees than my water broke with a big gush and a tremendous increase in pressure.
I felt the baby's head come surfing down on that wave of her fluid. The pain of this took me by complete surprise,
as it was so different from Alex's very slow birth. The sounding that I had been doing with pushing before that
changed dramatically. I really did roar like the lion that we had told Alex I would be when I pushed the baby out!!
I had no trouble controlling the pushing because I was experiencing that lovely ring of fire and in a couple pushes
her head was out. Linda asked me to stimulate my nipples to get a good contraction to help the baby out and I could
feel her moving the head around. I later learned that she had the cord around her neck and her hand up by her face.
With that next contraction, at 10:10, she was out and I felt such a relief. Linda said, "Take your baby"
as she passed her through my legs. I looked down and lifted her out of the water to my chest. Or tried to anyway,
the cord was wrapped up a bit and Jamie helped to untangle it so I could hold her. He said something about "her
cord" and I said, "wait, I was supposed to announce the sex". Jamie said, "Oh, I didn't actually
see the sex", and I went ahead and looked. "It's a girl!! Hello, Emma", I announced and the room
let out a big excited yell. I had had my eyes closed during the pushing and did not see all the people that were
watching. My mom, my mother in law, my sister in law, my best friend, my husband, my daughter, the doctor, and
the midwife were all there to see the arrival of Emma Claire.
I stayed in the water for about ten more minutes holding and looking at my beautiful new daughter. She was not
interested in nursing at this point. Alex and Cary were sitting at the edge of the tub looking in at her and Cecile
was taking pictures. Phone calls were being made to get my dad and father in law to come over and to announce the
birth to other family. Linda wanted me to get out since I looked like I was bleeding from some tearing and to see
about the placenta. I stood up and the placenta plopped out into the bowl Linda was holding for me. Cary took Emma
and Jamie did the first exam while Cary held her. Then he took Emma out into the living room where everyone was
waiting to see her. I heard later that she had been smiling at everyone! They got me settled on our bed and when
they took a look, I had torn from her hand being up by her face. So stitches were in order. Can I just say how
much I hate this part? I go through labor and birth with nothing more than ten minutes of pain, so this stitching
business seems so much more painful. I just wanted to hold my new baby and relish the experience. Cary brought
Emma back to me since she was looking for a nipple. She nursed a little bit for the first time, but did not really
get into it until the next morning.
We all had some of the birthday cake and I rested on the bed with Emma while they cleaned up. Since it was so late
and had been such a long day, everyone cleared out by 1:00. Cary, Emma and I settled into our bed for the night
and Emma actually let us sleep!! I am so glad I had her at home. The difference in comfort after the birth just
does not compare to the hospital experience. I was up making my own breakfast the next morning (I am picky about
my eggs!) and life just continued, for Alex, as usual. It was not a major disturbance for her to have a new baby
sister; in fact, she loved it! I am so glad that everyone got to be there with me to see the birth, especially
my mother and mother in law. They had had their kids, 7 between them, but had never actually seen a birth. And
to be able to show my sister in law, who is only 22 and far from having her own babies, about gentle birth firsthand
was priceless in this day and age. If we ever have another, there is no place like home! |
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